Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Naughty Quotes

  1. Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare
  2. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. -Joan Rivers
  3. My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -Emo Philips
  4. To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. -Cary Grant
  5. The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. - Gloria Leonard
  6. Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare
  7. A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part. -Redd Foxx
  8. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. -Albert Einstein
  9. I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.-Mariella Frostrup
  10. A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials. -Ronald Knox
  11. Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. -Yul Brynner
  12. It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time. -Tallulah Bankhead
  13. I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. -Garry Shandling
  14. A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. -Chauncey Mitchell Depew
  15. It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman. -Alexandre Dumas
  16. The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently. -Margaret Smith
  17. Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.
  18. Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. -Bob Rubin
  19. We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time. -Arthur Hoppe
  20. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less. -Brendan Francis
  21. Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it.
  22. Sex is like nose picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting watching someone else doing it. -Roald Dahl
  23. There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -Woody Allen
  24. Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship. -Sharon Stone
  25. When lights are out, all women are beautiful.
  26. Sex is one of the nine reasons of reincarnation, remaining eight are unimportant. -Henry Miller.
  27. Sex appeal is 50% what you got and rest 50% is what people think you got. -Sophia Loren
  28. Any piece of clothing can be sexy provided it is a very passionate woman inside it.
  29. Women need a reason to have sex, men just need place.
  30. I remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

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